He Won't Talk About Marriage After 2+ Years? Here's What His Silence Really Means

You've been together for over two years. Maybe three. Maybe even longer. And yet, when you think about the future—about marriage, about building a life together—there's nothing but silence.

Or maybe it's even more confusing than that. Maybe he mentioned marriage once, early on. You remember the conversation clearly because it gave you hope. But now? Nothing. The topic has disappeared, and you're left wondering what changed.

If this sounds familiar, I need you to keep reading. Because that silence is telling you something important. And the longer you ignore it, the more of your life you're spending in a relationship that may not be going anywhere.

Today, we're talking about what it means when a long-term partner won't discuss marriage, why this silence is a red flag you can't ignore, and most importantly, what you need to do about it. Because you deserve clarity. You deserve a partner who knows they want a future with you. And you deserve to stop waiting for someone to decide if you're worth committing to.

Understanding the Silence: What It Really Means

Let's start with the hard truth, the one you might already suspect but haven't wanted to face: If your partner hasn't mentioned marriage after more than two years together, it's because they don't want to marry you.

I know that's painful to read. But understanding what's really happening is the first step toward making a decision that protects your future.

When He's Never Mentioned Marriage

If he's never brought up marriage and continues dating you year after year, here's what that likely means: he doesn't love you enough to envision a future together.

This doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care about you at all. He might enjoy your company. He might love certain aspects of the relationship. He might even say he loves you.

But loving someone enough to share daily life with and loving someone enough to commit your life to them are two different things. And if he's not talking about marriage, he's showing you which category you fall into.

When He Mentioned It Once But Now There's Silence

This scenario might be even more painful. He talked about marriage before—maybe in the first year, maybe during a particularly romantic moment—and it gave you hope. It made you believe you were building toward something.

But now, that talk has stopped. And every time you try to bring it up, he changes the subject, gets vague, or says "we'll talk about it later."

This silence suggests his feelings have faded. What he felt initially—the excitement, the certainty about wanting a future with you—is no longer strong enough to push him toward commitment.

The Common Thread

Whether he never mentioned marriage or stopped mentioning it, the core issue is the same: a lack of sufficient love. Either he never felt strongly enough, or those feelings have diminished over time.

And I know what you're thinking: "But KC, he says he loves me. He acts like he loves me. Why would he stay if he doesn't?"

Because staying is easy when there's no pressure to commit. Because you might be meeting certain needs—companionship, intimacy, emotional support—without requiring him to make any promises about the future. Because breaking up is uncomfortable, and as long as you're not demanding clarity, he can continue indefinitely in this comfortable limbo.

But here's what you need to understand: you're not in a relationship that's building toward something. You're in a holding pattern. And the longer you stay, the more of your life you're giving to someone who isn't giving you their future.

Timing Matters: Why the Six-Month Mark Is Key

Now let's talk about timing, because this is where many women make the mistake of being too patient, too understanding, too willing to wait.

Love Is Like Fruit

Think of romantic feelings as fruit on a tree. There's a window of time when that fruit is ripe, perfect, ready to be harvested. If you wait too long, it doesn't get better—it spoils.

Love works the same way. When a man truly loves you and sees you as his future wife, there's a window when those feelings are strong, clear, and actionable. If marriage doesn't come up during that window, those feelings start to fade.

The Six-Month Guideline

Here's a guideline that might surprise you: If a man truly loves you and sees you as his wife, he will mention marriage—or at minimum, discuss the concept of your future together—within about six months.

I'm not saying he needs to propose at six months. I'm not even saying he needs to be ready to set a wedding date. But he should be talking about it. Bringing it up. Making it clear that he's thinking about a future with you and that marriage is part of his vision.

This doesn't have to be a formal conversation. It might sound like:

• "I can see us doing this together for the rest of our lives"

• "When we get married someday..."

• "I'm really thinking about our future together"

• "I want to make sure I'm in the right place financially before I propose, but I definitely see us getting married"

The specific words don't matter as much as the message: he's envisioning a future with you, and marriage is part of that vision.

What Two Years of Silence Means

If six months is when marriage should start coming up, what does it mean when two years have passed with no discussion?

It means there's a serious problem. It means his feelings aren't where they need to be for marriage. It means he's either unsure about you or actively doesn't want to marry you but hasn't found a reason to end things.

During the dating phase, we're supposed to understand each other enough to decide if we want to build a life together. We don't need to know everything about each other—that's what marriage is for, continuing to learn and grow together. But we need to know enough to make the commitment.

The idea that you need to date for years and years to "really know" someone before considering marriage is a misconception. Often, it's an excuse. A way to justify staying in a relationship that isn't progressing because neither person wants to face the truth: this isn't going where it needs to go.

Why His Feelings Have Faded

If he once seemed excited about a future with you but now won't discuss marriage, there are usually two main reasons:

1. You moved in together too soon. Living together before a clear commitment can kill the motivation to propose. He's already getting the benefits of married life—your presence, your domestic partnership, your commitment—without having to make any promises. Why would he change that arrangement?

2. You've dated too long without progression. The relationship has become stale. The initial excitement has worn off. And instead of that leading to the deep love that wants commitment, it's led to complacency and fading feelings.

Either way, the window of peak feelings has passed. And unless something changes dramatically, those feelings aren't coming back strong enough to lead to marriage.

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How to Have the Conversation Without Devaluing Yourself

At this point, you might be thinking: "Okay KC, I get it. The silence is a problem. But how do I bring this up without looking desperate or pushing him away?"

Here's the truth: If bringing up marriage after two years pushes him away, he was never planning to marry you anyway. So you might as well find out now rather than waste more years hoping he'll change his mind.

Here's a three-step approach to having this conversation with dignity and strength:

Step 1: Acknowledge the Positive

Start by acknowledging what's good about your relationship and what you appreciate about him. This isn't about flattering him or buttering him up—it's about being fair and approaching the conversation from a place of gratitude rather than resentment.

Example: "I want to talk to you about something important. First, I want you to know how much I appreciate the way you support my career goals and how we can laugh together even during stressful times. Those things mean a lot to me."

This sets a tone that says: I value what we have, and this conversation comes from a place of wanting to build on that, not from desperation or anger.

Step 2: Address the Issue Directly

Now comes the hard part: being honest about what's bothering you and what you need to know.

Don't dance around it. Don't hint. Don't make it vague. Be direct.

Example: "You mentioned marriage about a year ago, and it gave me hope about our future together. But we haven't talked about it since, and I've noticed we don't really discuss where we're heading. I need to understand where you see this relationship going. Do you see us getting married? And if so, what's your timeline?"

Or if he's never mentioned it:

Example: "We've been together for over two years now, and marriage hasn't come up. I need to know if marriage is something you want with me, because it's important to me. I don't want to pressure you, but I also can't keep investing in a relationship that isn't building toward a future I want."

Notice what this does: it puts the focus on clarity, not on convincing him. You're not trying to talk him into wanting to marry you. You're finding out if he does, so you can make informed decisions about your life.

Step 3: Set a Clear Timeframe

This is the part many women skip, and it's crucial. You need to give this conversation a deadline, or it will turn into more vague promises and more waiting.

Example: "I think we should both take the next week to really think seriously about what we want. Let's plan to have another conversation next week where we're both honest about where we see this going."

One week. That's it. Not a month. Not "sometime soon." One week.

This puts him in a position where he must make a choice. And his choice will tell you everything you need to know.

What This Conversation Accomplishes

By approaching it this way, you:

• Maintain your dignity and self-respect

• Make it clear that you value yourself enough to require clarity

• Give him space to be honest without feeling attacked

• Create a concrete timeline so this doesn't drag on indefinitely

• Put yourself in a position to make an informed decision based on his response

You're not begging. You're not issuing ultimatums. You're simply saying: I need to know if we're building toward the same future, and I need to know now.

Reading His Response: What It Means

After you've had this conversation and given him a week to think, his response will tell you everything you need to know. Let's talk about how to interpret what he says—and more importantly, what he does.

If He Loves You But Has Legitimate Obstacles

A man who genuinely loves you and wants to marry you but has legitimate obstacles will be specific about what those obstacles are and what his plan is to overcome them.

This might sound like:

• "I absolutely want to marry you. I've been waiting until I pay off my student loans because I want to start our marriage on solid financial footing. I'll have them paid off in eight months, and I'd like to propose after that."

• "I want to marry you, but I feel I need to be more established in my career first. I'm working toward a promotion that should come through in the next few months. Can we revisit this in three months?"

• "Marriage is definitely what I want with you. I've been hesitant to bring it up because my last divorce was messy and I have some fears to work through. I'd like us to do couples counseling to make sure we're on solid ground. Can we start that this month?"

Notice what all of these have in common: specificity, a timeline, and a clear plan forward.

He's not being vague. He's not saying "someday" or "eventually" or "when the time is right." He's telling you exactly what the issue is and exactly what needs to happen before he'll be ready.

If this is his response, you get to decide: Are these legitimate obstacles? Is his timeline reasonable? Is he actually taking steps toward overcoming them, or is this just another excuse?

If He Wants to Continue Dating But Won't Commit

This response sounds like:

• "I love what we have. Why do we need to put a label on it?"

• "Marriage is just a piece of paper. What we have is already more than that."

• "I'm not sure I believe in marriage, but I'm committed to you."

• "Let's just keep doing what we're doing. Why rush?"

This is a no. He's saying no to marriage, but trying to soften the blow by claiming that not getting married doesn't mean he's not committed.

But here's the truth: if marriage matters to you, and he refuses to marry you, he's not giving you what you need. And his feelings aren't strong enough to overcome his resistance to commitment.

Don't let him reframe this as you being too focused on a "piece of paper." Marriage is a public, legal, social commitment that comes with protections and recognition. If he won't make that commitment, it's because he doesn't want to. And you deserve someone who does.

If His Feelings Aren't Strong Enough

Sometimes, after you have this conversation, he'll be honest: his feelings just aren't strong enough for marriage.

He might not use those exact words. He might say:

• "I care about you, but I'm not sure you're the one."

• "I don't know if I'm ready for marriage."

• "I think we might want different things."

• "I need to figure myself out first."

Whatever the specific words, the message is the same: he's not going to marry you.

And as devastating as this is to hear, it's actually the kindest thing he can do. Because now you know. Now you can stop waiting. Now you can start moving forward toward a relationship that will give you what you want.

Trust Actions, Not Words

Finally, remember this: what he does in the week and months following this conversation matters more than what he says in the moment.

If he says he wants to marry you but then nothing changes—no ring shopping, no specific planning, no movement toward engagement—you have your answer. He's stalling.

If he says he needs to work through something but doesn't actually take steps to work through it, you have your answer.

Watch what he does. That's where the truth lives.

The Color Bands of Feelings: Don't Settle for Pink

Let me share a concept that will help you evaluate not just his feelings, but yours: the color bands of feelings.

Imagine that romantic feelings exist on a spectrum with three bands:

Grey Feelings: Weak or Fading

Grey represents weak feelings, indifference, or love that has significantly faded. This is when you're together more out of habit or convenience than genuine desire.

Signs of grey feelings:

• You or he feels more like roommates than romantic partners

• There's little passion, excitement, or deep emotional connection

• One or both of you is staying because leaving feels too hard, not because being together feels right

• Resentment, frustration, or apathy has become the dominant emotion

If your relationship is in the grey zone, it should end. There's no future here. You're both just going through the motions, wasting time that could be spent finding real love.

Pink Feelings: Okay But Not Passionate

Pink represents feelings that are okay but not great. You care about each other. You get along. It's comfortable. But it's not passionate, not deeply connected, not the kind of love that makes you excited about building a life together.

Signs of pink feelings:

• The relationship is fine, but not amazing

• You love them, but you're not in love with them

• There's affection but not intense passion

• You could see yourself married to them, but it doesn't fill you with excitement

Pink feelings may lead to a dull, unfulfilling marriage. You'll spend decades with someone you kind of love, in a marriage that's kind of okay, wondering if there could have been more.

Don't settle for pink just because you've already invested time. Don't marry someone at the pink level because you're afraid you won't find better. Pink feelings don't magically transform into red feelings after you get married—they usually fade to grey.

Red Feelings: Passionate and Sure

Red represents passionate, clear, strong feelings. This is when you're deeply in love, excited about your future together, certain that this is the person you want to spend your life with.

Signs of red feelings:

• You feel passionate about each other

• You're excited about building a future together

• The love feels deep, secure, and mutually strong

• You can't imagine your life without this person

• When you think about marriage, you feel joy and certainty, not doubt or resignation

This is the only level at which you should consider marriage. When both people are at red—when the feelings are strong, clear, and mutual—that's when marriage makes sense.

Where Are You Really?

Here's the hard question you need to ask yourself: Where are you and your partner on this spectrum?

Be honest. Don't think about how you wish you felt or how you felt two years ago. Where are you now?

Because if you're at pink or grey, and especially if he's at pink or grey, no amount of time will fix that. You can't wait your way into red feelings. You can't love him hard enough to make his feelings turn red if they're stuck at grey.

Only marry at red. Anything less is settling. And settling leads to a lifetime of wondering what you missed.

Don't Sacrifice Your Future for a Relationship Without Direction

I know there are some of you reading this who are thinking: "But KC, I've already invested so much time. I've given him my twenties. I can't just walk away now."

I understand. I know how devastating it feels to realize you've spent years—maybe your most vibrant, youthful years—on someone who isn't going to give you the future you want.

But here's what I need you to understand: marrying someone who doesn't truly love you, who took years to barely commit, who had to be pressured into proposing, will only lead to more suffering.

The Sunk Cost Fallacy

The time you've already invested is gone. You can't get it back. And staying longer won't make that time meaningful if the relationship doesn't have a real future.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that because you've already given him years, you need to give him more years to see if he'll eventually commit.

Every additional day you spend in a relationship that isn't building toward your goals is another day you could have spent finding a partner who knows they want to marry you.

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It's Better to Identify the Problem Now

Yes, it's painful to realize after two or three years that this isn't going where you hoped. But imagine realizing it after five years. After seven. After ten.

The sooner you identify that this relationship lacks direction, the sooner you can make a decision that protects your future.

And who knows? Sometimes, having this conversation and being willing to walk away is exactly what creates clarity. Sometimes a man doesn't realize what he's about to lose until you stop waiting around for him to decide.

But whether he steps up or lets you go, you'll have your answer. And having an answer—even a painful one—is better than living in uncertainty for years.

Your Future Deserves Better Than Silence

We've covered a lot today. We've talked about what silence around marriage really means, why timing matters, how to have the conversation with dignity, how to read his response, and why you shouldn't settle for anything less than passionate, mutual love.

Now comes the hard part: deciding what you're going to do with this information.

You can't control whether he wants to marry you. But you can control how long you wait for an answer.

If you're in a relationship that's been going on for more than two years with no talk of marriage, it's time to have this conversation. Not someday. Not when it feels less scary. Now.

Because every month you wait is another month of your life spent in uncertainty. Another month where you could be meeting someone who knows they want a future with you.

You deserve clarity. You deserve a partner who is sure about you. You deserve passionate, red-level feelings that make marriage exciting, not something that has to be dragged out of someone after years of waiting.

Don't sacrifice your future for someone who can't give you clarity about whether you have one together. Don't accept silence when you deserve an answer.

This is KC—from Love & Life. ✨

Your time, your youth, your love—they're all precious. Don't spend them on someone who can't decide if you're worth committing to. You deserve someone who knows. Who's sure. Who can't wait to build a future with you.

And if your current partner isn't that person? Then the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to free yourself to find someone who is.